A Series of Torchwood Ficlets
by elfmaiden4legs
Summary: A series of very short Torchwood stories. These series of short stories, drabbles and ficlets often deal with feelings/emotions and/or focus on a specific event/moment in time. They are shorter than my oneshots and so therefore I have decided to group them all into a seperate catagory of their own.
1. Look Back Once

**Look Back Once, and Then Ahead**

"Jack, are you alright?" Gwen asked. It was late one cold winter's evening when she came to stand on the threshold of the Captain's office after an uncommonly uneventful day.

Outside the city skies continued to subject the Cardiff residents to a heavy downpour of torrential rain, a steady stream of rainwater flooding into the Hub via the towering waterfall above.

The miserable weather outside appropriately reflected the oppressive atmosphere within, a concerned Gwen thought as she'd approached Jack's office, and quietly knocked upon the door, before deciding to turn in for the evening. Having received no response she'd entered cautiously, just in time to witness as the Captain hastily replaced something in his top desk draw.

Jack immediately looked up, meeting Gwen's concerned gaze across the room, but not in time to conceal from the young woman what it was he'd been occupied with before she'd entered the room. She recognised the photo immediately – the last photograph of the whole team together, before their world had been turned upside down.

Gwen sighed. Never before had she seen Jack Harkness looking so tired and pale.

"It's been months now Jack… talk to us, please."

Jack looked at her, and smiled.

"Gwen Cooper, always the compassionate one, always concerning yourself with everybody else's feelings, everybody else's problems… it's why I hired you… I sensed there and then that you were something special."

"We know you're hurting Jack, why won't you just let us help you? You're always there for us!"

"I've lived for so long, loved so many people, sooner or later I lose them all one way or another… you learn to deal with it, learn to cope. I will not burden you with that!"

"But we don't mind Jack!"

"I do!" He snapped, before seeming to soften slightly as he noticed the look on Gwen's face. "You off home now?" He asked her.

She looked at him, unconvinced. "Well, it's not as though there should be very much more for me to do tonight, and I promised Rhys, if I could get away. He's cooking dinner… which probably means the take away pizza will be cooling on the table by now."

Jack laughed at this – at least that was something she thought. She still wasn't convinced that he really was alright, but it reassured her a little to see him smile.

"That is unless you want me to do anything else?"

He shook his head. "You go home Gwen Cooper, spend the evening with Rhys, eat pizza, watch television. Enjoy a normal life, just for tonight."

She smiled. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "You deserve it."

She looked at him – he seemed so far away, his eyes so full of pain and she made no attempt to leave.

"Are you sure you're alright Jack?" She asked uncertainly, but he fixed her with a steely, determined gaze.

"Go home Gwen Cooper." He smiled, and she realised that she was beaten – there could be no reasoning with Jack, once he'd made his mind up about something it could be very difficult to change. He'd talk to them in his own time, when he was ready, and so she nodded, bidding him goodnight, before promptly exiting from the room – leaving him to his own private thoughts.

Hearing her footsteps descend the stairs outside his office Captain Jack got to his feet and looked down, surveying the Hub below him. They said that time was supposed to be a great healer of pain, but the truth was that for Jack it just got harder to say goodbye to those he loved – those he knew he would ultimately outlive. It hurt knowing that he would carry on for an eternity.

He would never forget any of them, not Tosh, not Owen, not Grey, not even Suzie, they would all always hold a special place in his heart – but Jack had realised a long time ago that the only way for him to survive had been to push forward, and to do his best to carry on.

He watched Gwen say goodnight to Ianto on her way out and he smiled – watching the young Welshman busying himself at his work station as she left.

His Ianto…

' _and at that moment the future looked very bright indeed.'_

He smiled. Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten


	2. A Blip In Time

**A Blip In Time**

When Jack finally woke up he had the worst stomach ache imaginable – a searing, sharp pain in his abdomen. It wasn't surprising really, he had just been shot – but this pain was far worse than anything he'd ever experienced before.

As he struggled to his feet the pain became instantly far worse. Something wasn't right, and it unnerved him. He was in far too much pain – more pain than usual. He felt cold from the inside, and there was an internal pressure the likes of which he'd never experienced before. It was as if something was gnawing at his insides, tearing them apart. There was also a small patch of flesh on his stomach which throbbed painfully.

Being the fighter that Jack was however, he only let a weak groan escape him as he righted himself, planting himself firmly on two feet and forcing himself to straighten up.

It was then that Jack noticed the body of Doctor Patanjali laid out beside him, and realised immediately that he was dead. It was a pity, he thought, he could have really done with his expertise right about now.

With every new step he took – resting momentarily as he tried to acclimatise himself to the dull ache in his stomach – the pain grew worse. It became more debilitating, until he was almost doubled over with the intensity of it. The sharp jolt to his stomach every time he tried to straighten himself up knocked the breath out of him, but somehow he finally managed it.

Jack realised that they'd been betrayed, and he knew who by. But why, not even he could be sure of that. A surge of panic coursed through him as he realised that he had to get back to the Hub, and warn the others.

He managed to make his way out of the hospital, almost doubled over, without drawing too much attention to himself, and back to the SUV. Driving was difficult, but not quite as painful as walking had been, and the journey became a bit of a blur.

When he returned Ianto hugged him, and Gwen smiled. He was a little bewildered to find her downstairs in the medical bay, but Jack's attention was quickly drawn to the reason for her being down there. She wasn't sick, or injured… she was pregnant!

Jack smiled, his pain suddenly becoming irrelevant as he basked in the beauty of the moment. He watched a somewhat shell shocked, although radiantly happy Gwen – taking her in his arms as he embraced her. His pain became nothing but a blip of discomfort in the timeline of his existence. It was insignificant. It was bearable. This made everything worthwhile – all the pain and the heartache and the suffering. This, at the end of the day, was what they were fighting for.

Their hands entwined affectionately, full of the love they had for each other, the love they shared as friends. She'd have to take more care of herself from now on, he realised that, and he would make sure that she did…

Unfortunately however their happiness would be short lived. As their fingers subconsciously entwined over the pad of the scanner the alarms suddenly went off inside the base, sending the Hub into automatic lockdown.

Jack looked up to the horrific realisation… a bomb… there was a bomb inside of him.

No wonder he'd been in so much pain… not even he could walk around with a bomb inside of him and not feel at least some signs of its existence.

It took him a moment to get his head around it. He couldn't comprehend the full scale of such a situation…

They'd actually put a bomb inside his stomach… and even amidst the chaos which ensued that drew his mind back to the one question which remained. Somebody clearly wanted them all dead, but who wanted them all dead enough to go to such efforts to make sure it happened?

As Jack fought to get Gwen and Ianto out of there, saying goodbye to them both before what he knew would inevitably be the most traumatic and painful death of his long life, he swore that once all this was over he'd do whatever it took to find out who, and why…

… today, Jack thought as he closed his eyes, watching Ianto ascending slowly away from him, was after all just a blip in time.


	3. Sometimes Its What You Don't Say

**Sometimes It's What You Don't Say**

Ianto looked hard into Jack's eyes, his own soft brown puddles scanning the sea of blue, set against deep black pupils. He was looking for any subtle signs of the emotional turmoil which normally accompanied a recent death. It was cruel… and painful… and gruelling… and Ianto thought that he could sense his lover's discomfort, as Jack fought to suppress the memory of the event.

"Did they kill you?" He asked him.

"Yeah." Jack nodded – he didn't even try to hide it.

Ianto hated the thought of Jack having to deal with it alone, sensing the quake of emotion in his strong voice. It was well disguised, although not well enough to keep it from Ianto. He knew that waking up alone was what Jack found the most difficult part of reviving. Whenever possible Ianto liked to be there with him when he woke up. He liked to be the one to provide the comfort and reassurance he knew Jack needed. The sound of a reassuring and familiar voice was what seemed to help him the most and the thought of Jack having to suffer such an ordeal alone devastated the young Welshman.

Ianto stepped forward, his arms outreached ready to receive Jack into their embrace, and Jack allowed himself to be pulled into Ianto's arms. He too returned the gesture, understanding Ianto's need to comfort him as much as he needed to be comforted.

Sometimes it was what Ianto didn't say that actually said the most.


	4. Anything For The Pain

**Anything For The Pain**

As Jack continued to scream – a blood curdling cry, revealing to them all the absolute agony of a body which was a mass of raw and weeping skin, and open wounds – Officer Beret turned to Agent Johnson.

"We should give him something to sedate him." He advised. "At least give him something for the pain."

"I'm in charge here Beret." She barked at him. "I'll decide if that's necessary!"

As she got up to go she turned to the nearest medic however.

"Give Jack Harkness something for the pain." She ordered. "Anything to shut him up!"

"Yes Maam!" The medic nodded.

She was after all, not a heartless fiend! Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten


	5. The Pain of Past Deeds

**The Pain of Past Deeds**

As Clem fired the gun Ianto saw Jack fall, and ran to his side. It was something Ianto had grown accustomed to doing. He stooped down beside him and scooped him into his arms. They all knew that the more emotionally charged the circumstances of Jack's death were, the more painful, and the harder it was for him to revive.

Ianto was the one who'd been the one there for him, after every death since Abadon. He'd sat with him until he'd woken up, he'd held him close, and when he couldn't be there for him physically he'd been the one who'd dealt with the repercussions – both the psychological as well as the physical. No matter how angry he now felt with him, how hurt by him, or let down, he could never turn his back on him when he needed him the most – he loved him.

He looked up at Clem holding Gwen and Rhys at gun point, whilst Jack lay limp and motionless in his arms, and them he watched Clem finally hand the gun over to Gwen and looked back down at Jack.

"It's alright." He whispered soothingly in his ear. "You're safe, I've got you!"

As he spoke these words he felt Jack's body begin to twitch. The man gasped, filling his lungs with oxygen hungrily, and opened his eyes.

He pulled Jack closer towards him, wrapping his arms around him reassuringly as he thrashed out. Jack grasped Ianto by the shoulder and right elbow – the young man was used to his lover waking up confused and afraid after suffering a particularly traumatic death – and he listened as he let out a series of deep, throaty guttering moans. Ianto realised that the pain of the injury must still be plaguing him even though the initial gunshot wound had healed… and he recognised the moment Jack's eyes came to settle on Clem. The man seemed deeply disturbed by Jack's sudden and unexpected revival, and Jack's face fell as the memory of what he'd done returned to him. It was evident that he hated himself for the pain he'd caused, as he watched Clem run away.


	6. Heartbreak

**Heartbreak**

Ianto knew he was dyeing. He looked up into Jack's eyes – the eyes of his lover. He wanted them to be the last thing he would ever see.

The man who could have had anyone he wanted, or so easily no one at all, but he'd chosen him. It broke his heart to see him cry.

Jack's eyes were full of pain. He watched his tears trace their path down his cheeks, and heard his desperate futile pleas. Jack was begging him to fight, pleading with him to stay – even though he knew that he could not. Ianto didn't have strength enough left to reply.

He couldn't recall ever having seen Jack so broken, and yet he was obviously trying to be brave. His suffering so evident. He had given his heart to Ianto, giving himself over to love. He knew that he'd have his heart broken someday, but neither of them had expected it to be quite so soon.

It wasn't fair, to have to say goodbye before they'd barely acknowledged their love for each other, but Ianto knew there was nothing he could do. He didn't want to die, but just like Tosh and Owen before him he hadn't been given a choice. Just like them he could see it coming, and death scared him, but not as much as knowing that he was leaving Jack behind.

They would never know how great their love might have been… just what it might have led to.

They'd both been taken in by a taste of normality, the merest hint of a normal life – but this was Torchwood, and nothing would ever be normal for an of them. It was the price they paid for the extraordinary life they led, a life which could be so easily cruelly snatched away from them.

Jack had died hundreds, maybe even thousands of times. Ianto had often wondered how he found the strength to drag himself back from oblivion. Now he wondered how it was that he battled the pain, and the fear, and the loneliness – because the simple truth was that dying hurt, and Ianto knew he only had to do it once whilst for Jack it was a continuing waking nightmare – from which there would never be any respite.

He begged him to remember him – he hoped that he'd remember him – taking in his familiar scent, the sound of his voice, and he knew that he would never look upon those beautiful blue eyes again, or be held in his strong embrace.

Jack's tears rained down upon him, and he tried to reach out, but his arms were like lead and there was nothing he could do to comfort him. There was nothing he could do to relieve Jack's pain, or to mend his broken heart.

The world was beginning to fade, light giving way to darkness, and Into knew that he couldn't hold on much longer. They didn't have long left. Today Ianto Jones would die, and tomorrow the sun would come up on a new day and the world would be business as usual.

But not for Captain Jack Harkness, his life had been permanently changed by the young Welshman who'd stolen his heart.

Ianto Jones had given Jack something he'd been searching for since the day the Doctor too had found his way into his life, and changed him – someone worth living every day for.

As Ianto's eyes closed for the final time, Jack felt his heart break.

His tears continued to splash down onto Ianto pale and lifeless face, and he placed a final kiss upon those beautiful lips. For several more minutes the 456's taunting words resonated in his ears – knowing that there was nothing more he could do. Ianto Jones was gone…

As Jack's eyes too closed against the world, his heart too ceasing to beat as his body slumped to the ground beside that of his lover, he wished that he too would never wake up. He didn't want to have to face an eternity alone, without Ianto – but he knew from experience that that was too much to hope for.


	7. If Tomorrow Never Comes For Us

**If Tomorrow Never Comes For Us**

' _You will die, and tomorrow your people will deliver the children.'_

Jack looked weakly down at Ianto… and he realised as his heart shattered into a million tiny fragments, beyond all hope of repair, that he had gone…

With the last of his own ebbing strength he reached down and placed a kiss upon those lips… the last kiss he realised he'd ever bestow upon his sweet, loyal Ianto. The tears of grief continued to rain down, tricklling down his cheeks.

"Goodbye…" He whispered, before his own heart stopped, and he sank into nothing.


	8. Even In Death

**Even In Death** **Full 3/4 1/2Expand TightenEE**

 _ **This story is an AU, in which Gwen reflects on what happened to Jack and Ianto in the event that Jack never revived after being killed by the 456.**_

'I'm alone now… I waited for you to come back Jack, but you never did! I don't know, perhaps you were just too damaged after Ianto died, perhaps you didn't want to, maybe you didn't consider that there was anything left to come back to!

You showed me the world Jack! You gave me everything, and opened my eyes. My life became… surreal, unexpected… extraordinary, after I met you! As I say you opened my eyes, you showed me a new way of life… a better way of living, and I'll always remember you for that!

I'll never forget you Jack, nor Ianto, nor Tosh, nor Owen!

I waited weeks after the government finally returned your bodies to me, long after Ianto had been buried! I visited you every day! I just couldn't give up on you, I couldn't let you go without a fight! I couldn't bring myself to believe that you wouldn't come back to me, but there came a time when I had to accept that you'd finally gone, that you weren't coming back… and I realised that I'd have to say goodbye.

Perhaps you just didn't have the fight left within you, the strength to crawl yourself back one more time, perhaps your heart had simply been broken beyond repair… I guess I'll never know the real reason… and so I had you buried next to Ianto! I know that a least would have made you happy, that at least now you'll never be parted from him, and that your love could not be broken, even in death.'


	9. The Decision To Say Goodbye

**The Decision To Say Goodbye**

Jack looked, glancing only half way between agent Johnson and his daughter, not meeting Lois' eye.

One child, that's all they needed, one child to save the world, but… but what a decision it was for him to have to make! The tears welled in his eyes as the despair began to break him, to crush his resolve… what chance did they really have against a threat such as this?

But why did it always come down to him at the end of each day? Why was he always the one who had to make that sacrifice? Why did he always have to end up alone?

"It's one child against millions Captain!" Agent Johnson reiterated in his ear, her voice so calm, unmoved as though she didn't even care about the terrible decision Jack was now being forced to make.

He could lose Steven, but save billions… lose one, but save the world.

But then he thought of Ianto, of the 456, of Tosh, of Owen, of Suzie, of all the evil and filth he'd seen on this planet in all his long years, and of all the pain and suffering, and he began to wonder whether it was really fare on Steven to carry on living in a world such as this?

No… it wasn't fair, this _was not_ fair!

He gave the nod of his head to convey his agreement, and it broke his heart!

It broke his heart to say goodbye to Steven, an innocent child, and the grandson he loved. He'd watched the boy grow up. He'd have given his own life in his place of if he could… but he realised that that was the one thing which he could not give.. could never give!

His life was worthless in a time like this… useless… his life was a forced life.

It cut him deep to hear his daughter scream, to see her run, and to know that after this she would never see him or speak to him again.

He was the one who always had to make the hard decisions. Just like the Doctor there were days when Jack had to decide who lived, and who died… and there were some days when this decision hurt him more than others!

Who else, if not him, would be prepared to make the call? Who would want to have to weigh up one precious life, against those of millions? There was nobody else… and so Captain Jack Harkness had made the decision… the hardest decision he'd ever had to make.

The decision to, once again, say goodbye.


	10. A Long Way Away

Full 3/4 1/2Expand Tighten **A Long Way Away**

Jack looked over into the eyes of Gwen Cooper, and smiled. It was good to be home again, amongst familiar things, and the people who cared most about him, but even so he still couldn't shake that familiar empty feeling that something was missing, something so important that even time hadn't been able to heal his broken heart.

This planet still held far too many painful memories for him, and Jack wasn't even sure that he was ready to face these demons. He had spent so long trying to run away from the pain, but these were desperate times, and in his heart Jack knew that the time had finally come to let go, and to say goodbye.

"Where did you go Jack?" She asked him, her dark eyes betraying her feelings of abandonment, and the conflict she felt at him having come back. She wanted to feel happy, relieved that after all this time of her wondering where he was and if he was alright, that he was finally home, but she couldn't conceal her raging anger.

Jack could fully understand her hostility. He hadn't expected her to welcome him home as though nothing had ever happened – there would of course be consequences for the manner in which he had left. He could sympathise entirely with her feelings of abandonment. He'd been through them all himself with the Doctor, and those feelings had festered away for over a century, but he could not apologise to her nor feel sorry for what he had done. He had dedicated the latter part of his long and lingering life to helping people, to saving the world – and he'd needed some time alone, with no pressure, no commitments, no responsibilities, to try and help heal his own broken heart.

"A long way away." He told her.

"And did it help?" She asked him.

He averted his gaze from hers, unable to look into her warm eyes any longer, leaking compassion, despite how angry she felt. He was struggling to retain his composure – for whilst the rest of her soft features were contorted in an expression set hard as stone, her eyes still betrayed the depth of her love for him. The truth was that he really didn't want to have to confess to her that it hadn't helped at all.

It was going to take Jack a very long time to get over Ianto, far longer than he'd been away for. The grieving process was a long one, and he'd had to learn to embrace the pain rather than run away from it.

Jack had had to give himself permission to laugh, to cry, to see Ianto's face in the window of every coffee shop on every street corner, and hear his voice as the smell of the beans stirred up memories of their love. He'd had to to learn to cherish their time together, and not to want to forget, until time eventually worked to patch up the gaping hole in his heart with sticking plaster, and the gut wrenching agony turned into a dull ache.

This time there were no shortcuts, there was no easy way out. It was going to take Jack a very long time before he was ready to say goodbye. He still had an entire lifetime stretching out before him, thousands, maybe even millions of years – during which he was not sure that he would ever really come to terms with the death of Ianto Jones. Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten


End file.
